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So I know I'm kind of behind the times on this bandwagon, but my sister got me all three Hunger Games books for my birthday and I started reading them on Wednesday and...what the fuck! I really had no idea what they were about because I hadn't even seen any of the trailers for the movie or anything, but everyone kept talking about them so I was like, "whatever, should probably read those books." Annnnd, yeah. I haven't been able to put them down. Almost literally. I started Wednesday night on book one and just finished book two. I will probably be done with the third book in the next few days. I don't think I've ever read a series of books that fit so well into the "couldn't put it down" category. I also cried within the first 25 pages of the first book, but that may be because it also coincided with the first day of my period. There would be know way of knowing.

In other news, I have spent my summer so far working my ass off at two jobs, and still manage to be broke somehow. I literally have about 2 dollars in my bank account right now. Fuck you, Hawaii.
Current Mood:
indescribable indescribable
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Ok, not the worst Spring Break ever, but it's definitely up there. The top spot still has to go to the year I got pinned by a scaffolding, broke some bones and stuff, and spent the week before in the hospital and thus had to cancel my Spring Break plans. But this one has somewhat sucked.

The first part was okay. The first weekend didn't really feel like a break. I had to work and teach all weekend. But Monday I relaxed and did nothing which hasn't happened for me in a while, so that was awesome. And Tuesday I had to work again, and went to a dance class that night. Wednesday was fun, went hiking and beaching with some friends from school, then went and danced at a pub in Waikiki in the evening with some Irish dance friends (we really do exist everywhere. Even Hawaii). So that was all good. Then I randomly got super sick Wednesday night and puked my guts out for the first time since the aforementioned hospital stay in 2006). I thought it was food poisoning cause I felt better by Friday, but then it came back, so basically this whole second half of my week has been a waste. And now I have to go back to class tomorrow. FUCK. On the plus side, I did get some "hey, I actually live in Hawaii!" time in before that happened. So I can't complain too much.

In other news, I determined today that I am still in my quarter life crisis. I thought I got that over with a couple of years ago, but I don't think so. Either that or I'm just a chronically indecisive and unsatisfied person. It's hard to say.
Current Mood:
pessimistic pessimistic
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Do you ever wonder if broken hearts ever really completely heal? Sometimes I feel like there's always a little crack left no matter what you do or how much time passes. And sometimes I feel like the holes I have inside from the things, and places, and people I've lost get smaller but they never go away, so that eventually instead of a big gaping hole, I have many little ones. They hurt less, but they still have that dull ache that never seems to go away. Is that just me? Am I doing it wrong?
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
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So I have been in Hawaii now for a little over 5 weeks and everything was going fine for the first few weeks, but the last week or so I have just been...sucking at life. It was weird, 'cause when I got here, I was fully prepared for the usual feelings that I have when I make a big move, you know, being homesick, freaking out about being alone, missing people, etc, etc, but it didn't really happen. I was weirdly okay. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I got here the Saturday before classes started, so I just kind of got thrown into everything right away and didn't have time to feel sad and scared and all of that. Part of it was also probably the fact that I've done this whole uprooting myself and starting over thing enough times now that I know what to expect and how to handle it, so consequently my reactions are not quite so violent.

Ever since sometime last week though, the homesickness has been hitting me hard. The whole time I've been here, I'd have moments of missing certain things and people, but nothing major but right now...it's major. I miss the hell out of my friends and my co-workers, and the kids I teach. Our school feis (Irish dance competition for those of you who don't know) is coming up this weekend, and I am so bummed not to be there for it. My group of friends and my dance school in Colorado became like my family, and I hate not having them. I just don't want to be here. And I've been having a really hard time focusing as a result. I spend time when I should be working on schoolwork and choreography, both of which I enjoy doing if I do them, but instead I spend time checking out what people are up to on facebook, or watching shit on Netflix just because I am depressed and don't want to do anything. It's a problem. Not enough of a problem yet that it's really negatively effecting my schoolwork, but I'm procrastinating more than I should and it could be a real problem if I don't get it in check. It's just rough to snap myself out of it.

Fortunately, I sort of preemptively started seeing a counselor a couple of weeks ago 'cause I know that I am crazy and will need it, and I have an appointment tomorrow, so that's good. Hopefully that will help.

I hate that "I wanna go home" feeling, and I know I will get over it and learn to love it here too like I always do, but right now, damn it...I wanna go home.
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This week in my dance research class, we read an article on choreography as research, and research as choreography, basically talking about how our physical practice as dancers is a valid form of research, and that our research is just as important to our practice and work as our choreography. The article also talked about how our stories are important to our research, and so one of our assignments was to write a 300 word story of a dance event in our lives that shaped our research interests.

Here is what I wrote.Collapse )

So we had to read them aloud in class, and I, to my own surprise and I'm sure the surprise of the class, started crying part of the way through it and it was SUPER awkward. But hey, at least my writing moves me! haha! It's kind of embarrassing to break down that in my second week of knowing these people, but I burst into random fits of tears fairly frequently, so if they're going to be spending the next 3 years with me, I guess they should get used to me now!

Between now and Tuesday, I have to journal at least 30 minutes every day in response to some questions she gave us, so don't be surprised if some of that gets posted here too. I am trying to keep more of log of what is going on in my life on here, like I used it. I like having it there to look back on.

On a side note, it's been so long since I did an LJ cut that I had to look up how to do it. Ha!
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So, I signed up for Twitter the other day after having avoided it for, you know...however long it has existed. I always thought it seemed redundant, just facebook statuses without the rest of facebook. I still think that in a sense, but it's actually kind of addicting. So...maybe not the best site for me to have joined the first week of grad school! haha. But anyway, I was just looking at it, and I find it interesting how we as a society have shifted towards this 140 characters or less approach to communicating. I know this is something that sort of gets discussed to death nowadays, but it just hit me, how little people I know post on LJ anymore, but Twitter and Facebook seem to be thriving so much more. I guess it makes sense in a way. If I only have a free minute or two, obviously I'm far more likely to do a quick tweet or Facebook status than to type a diatribe on LJ, and in a way you almost get to know more about people that way because you hear from them more frequently if less verbosely, but it makes me a little sad. I think I need to diatribe more often! I guess that's why I came to grad school, it's like 3 years of straight writing and talking about things waaaaaay too much. I'll just have to try and bring it to LJ more often.

Okay, I have gone 3 minutes over my 15 minute study break. Back to the books. On a Saturday night. In the first week of classes. Yay grad school.

Oh, and I'm in Hawaii now. Obviously. In case you hadn't figured that out. It's pretty. And hot. And there is an ocean surrounding me, which I can get behind. Okay, bye.
Current Mood:
thoughtful thoughtful
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What is their deal? Seriously.
Current Mood:
confused confused
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"I keep trying to remind myself that when Jesus closes a door he opens a window."
"Yeah, so we have something to jump out of."
Current Mood:
blah blah
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We're back to irregular and unpredictable periods. Woo.

I don't know why I felt the need to share that.

Current Mood:
annoyed annoyed
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